We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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