There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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