Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
