Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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