Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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