I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
