Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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