i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
