im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
