Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
