apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
