i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
