is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
