T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
