hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
