Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize