Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
