I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
