look no pants
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
