She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
