what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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