Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
