my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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