quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
