Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
