you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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