Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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