my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
