Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize