Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
