I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My ass is underappreciated
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
