Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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