Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
