I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
