after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
