Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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