Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
