My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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