Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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