I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
