we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
