dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
