he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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