I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
