I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
