I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
