Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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