I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
