i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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