did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
