yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
