Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
