You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's shark week go big or go home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
