I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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