Grow some girl-balls and come out already
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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