drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
