thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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