If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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