I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You've changed since you got that strap on
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