meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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