Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
