sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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