Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
