I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
