dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
