my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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