yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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