Umm I'm too high to move.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
