its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
