Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
