Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
